"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."
- Edgar Watson Howe
With Mother's Day having passed this week, I have been reflecting a lot about my station in life as a mother. Being a mother of small children is an adventure of immense proportions. Here are a few things that I have learned....
1. A mother must always specify her requests. For example:
- It is NOT okay to say. "Please go potty." You must specify, "Please go up to the bathroom and go potty IN the toilet." This is a very important distinction and must be made if one does not want to clean up the bathroom floor, sink, or bathtub.
- It does NOT work to say, "Please clean up these dirty clothes." You must specify, "Please take these dirty clothes up to the bathroom and put them INSIDE the laundry basket."
- It does NOT work to say, "Please get ready for bed." You must specify, "Please go upstairs, go potty IN the toilet, FLUSH the toilet, brush your teeth WITH toothpaste, get into CLEAN jammies, put your dirty clothes INSIDE the laundry basket, then COME BACK downstairs for scripture, prayer and bedtime. It is sometimes helpful to make up a song so that they can remember the steps. "Potty, teeth, jammies, prayer. Potty, teeth, jammies, prayer." Repeat as many times as necessary.
2. A mother must always qualify her "promises". For example:
- You must NOT say, "You can pick a treat at the store." You must qualify, "IF you are well-behaved AND listen to Mommy in the store, THEN you can pick a treat."
- You must NEVER say, "We can do that fun activity after we run our errands." You must qualify, "IF we have time, THEN we will do that fun activity."
- You can also use both in very dire situations. You must NEVER say, "Sure, we can have dessert tonight." You must qualify, "IF you eat your dinner, THEN I will see IF we have time for dessert."
This practice is key in order to avoid arguments that begin with, "But you said...." If, by chance, one forgets to qualify "promises" then the phrase, "I changed my mind." is an appropriate response.
3. On a more serious note, mother's NEED alone time, which is commonly referred to as "mommy time". This is not a selfish thing. This is an edict passed down from Heaven. One must have time to replenish love, patience, and serenity. Above all, alone time is needed to recharge your spiritual batteries.
There are many activities that qualify for alone time, but I'd like to share a couple that I have found. I have always struggled with alone time because, first I feel selfish, and second I feel idle. So I have tried to find things that I can do that are calming and therapeutic without wasting time.
My favorite is volunteering for Family Search. You can transcribe documents from microfilm into the church's indexing system. There is no required amount of time that you have to put in. I personally LOVE to do things that are considered monotonous to most people. The repetitive nature of indexing allows me to kind of shut down my brain and take a break, but at the same time I know that I am performing a great service.
The other thing that I have (re)found is how much I enjoy writing in a journal. It really helps me to think, vent, and put things into perspective. I found a website called LDS Journal. It is free to use and VERY convenient for me. You can even print out your entries in book form with pictures and other attachments. How cool is that?
All in all, motherhood can be a hard, thankless job with long hours. But the real truth of the matter is that if I didn't love it, I would have quit years ago.
"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
- Cardinal Mermillod
